Saturday, 16 May 2015

Dear Owls, big world.

Dear Owls, 

The world is big. The world has so many people, sometimes I lose myself wondering how we're all just hanging in space. We're all just living life, winning poker games and losing loved ones by the second. I chose those two examples because they're both by luck. We have no control over what happens next, unless you've rigged the poker game, then that's totally irrelevant to what I'm trying to explain. 

The world is big and I suck at reading maps. Why countries separated themselves and created boundaries and roads that split to cities is beyond me. I will never comprehend why humans always want to find ways to seem more lonely. We seek the differences in each other and whine about the inequality. We silently judge each other and blab about not being able to express emotions. Most of the time, I think humans just want to live a lie, they want problems. Problems somehow make meaning to our life. We want to get lost in a big world because the space means that there's still things we cannot fathom into problems.

The world is big and I find myself getting lost in it. Slowly, my thoughts hover over random days and months and years. Slowly, I find myself getting lost in the simple complications. I find myself trying to find a solution for everything. A solution for sadness, grief, loneliness, fear, denial and life even. Because for many of us, life sometimes becomes a problem. At certain points in your life, you begin to wonder if your purpose is of any use or if one day you'll amount to something. But when I ask myself if I'm worth it- what exactly do I have to compare myself to? Technically, I'm the only person in this whole world who's been through the exact same experiences and moments in my life. The story I've got written for myself cannot be shared with another soul; maybe the scenarios could clash, but there is no other person with the same past, same emotions, same thoughts. This keeps me going. I feel like maybe I am needed for the story I hold- maybe I am needed somewhere. 

The world is big, and I need to buy a GPS. 

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