Saturday, 14 November 2015

Dear Owls, God.

Dear Owls, 

I don't talk about God much on my blog and it's not because he's not an important part in my life, but because his value in my life is so great that I don't really know what to say. I believe that God has and will always be there for me no matter what situation I am put into. And this reminder keeps the monsters under the bed, keeps the dirtiest secrets clean and keeps my mind at bay.

See, what I love most about God is his presence, his stand with me. Some people don't know God like I do, and that's rather sad. I know him. I truly got to know him every time he has been with me throughout all my battles. In my times of desperation, I pray to him and everything is instantly better, at least in my mind. I know from the teachings of God that forgiveness and letting go are the most important things in life. 

"This life was designed to break your heart"

Putting your life in the hands of humans is pathetic, and most people do it. God knows I did it. If you were made weak, how could you expect other people to depend on you? You're allowed to screw up. You're allowed to look back at your life and see a few messed up days. To err is human, to punish is the monstrosity. If someone has made a mistake, God has trusted me with the responsibility that I will forgive and forget. After all, when you are under the ground, naked and bare with no one to talk to but your angels, what will you say? Will you tell them how you spent your days on earth gossiping, fighting, swearing, complaining and making life harder on yourself? 

See, life wasn't made to be easy. God put us through things that will eventually teach us a lesson. When I was younger, I would blame everything on everyone else, telling all my friends that my life sucked because of so and so factors. Growing up, I realized that was bull. Blaming people gets you nowhere and it's the most chicken thing I ever did. Fessing up, seeing that you're in control of your mistakes and past... that's what got my engines turning. I stopped living for others and started living for God. I started living for my rewards later on, and even if there are some who speculate the afterlife- at least do people a favor and live a good life for your own health. 

It's been proven that people who keep things in their heart have unhealthy minds and bodies. So, no thanks. I'd rather live knowing that I lived every single second of my breath with compassion, with love, with kindness. 
Even though mercy doesn't pay the bills, it pays the debts. Debts that you've held people accountable for, loans of promises of people gave to you that you just don't know why they don't pay back. Humans cannot be depended on. For a matter of fact, humans can't be trusted- not that I don't occasionally try to test that theory. The truth to the matter is that every body is going through something different, and it's just wrong to expect someone to prioritize your life over theirs. You need to be able to pick yourself up whenever you need to and wipe off the dust, while having a support system of course, just don't place your happiness in the hands of a human and complain about the damage done. God is greater than everything and everyone. Placing your happiness in the palms of God is the one true insurance to not getting heartbroken. 

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow, Learn as if you were to live forever" -Gandhi

Probably one of my favorite quotes ever, I love to live by these words because I can't stop learning. I doubt I will ever retire from my ever longing search to learn. Google is my bestfriend. Books are my right hand. Even the movies and shows I watch are the one true things that keep me going because they do teach you a lot. I think we are shaped by what we know and by what we don't; they go hand in hand. 

"Last night I lost the world and gained the universe" C JoyBell

This world is just step one. It is a test and a hard one. You don't have to believe in God. You don't even have to believe in anything and that remains a choice that you keep with you and I have nothing but respect to your choice- but I just can't say I agree. Sometimes believing in the unseen can keep you longing for more. Sometimes in your times of true confusion, you need something so great to remind you where you're going. At least that's the case with me.

 But if you want to believe in a higher power, you need to believe that losing the world is step one. Lose your need for material, your need for popularity, your craving for money, your lust for love and possession, your untamed hunger for more. You can't be happy in this world if you're running after things that were made to intrigue you. You need to seek to be comfortable, content and compassionate. Not happy. You should be happy about being comfortable but not the other way around. Being happy doesn't mean you have everything you want forever, it just means for that second in that little amount of time, you had what you needed. 
Happiness doesn't last very long. Put your comfort in things that are ever stable like, helping others, the stars, a beautiful sunset, seeing another human smiling. 

Be humble and stop asking people to give you what you need to seek alone. The quest for true purpose is hard, it's confusion and time consuming. However, it resonates to these few things; learn, laugh and love. But always work hard, without compromising these three things. 

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.” - Erma Bombeck

Seek the things you want most in life, gain friendships and lose them if you need to, the same goes with money. Don't be afraid to lose the money you gained. Don't be hesitant to call an old friend. Don't underestimate a simple wave to your neighbor. 
Don't sleep on the things God gave you. 
Don't count sheep, while others count blessings. 
Everything that God has put in your life is written to be there. It didn't magically land on your plate. Every grain of rice is a blessing from God that you need to remind yourself others don't have. Don't however get mad at the fact that others don't have this blessing- let God do his own job, let him teach people whatever lessons they need to learn and cleanse their soul in whatever way needs cleansing. 

For those of you who don't believe in God and feel somehow uncomfortable, I don't apologize for this post. It's my blog and I want to believe that I am free to talk about whatever crosses my mind. If you're offended in any way by the this, you're welcome to stop checking my blog. It's really all a choice after all. 

I respect everyone's decision to believe and not believe whatever they want, however when you start stepping on someone else's ground, telling them who you think they should be and what you think they should do, that's just a bit too much. People should really start focusing on their own path and realize that we really do have a purpose in life and there really is something waiting for us at the end of this rainbow. Some rainbows shorter than others. Reassess yourself every now and then and just see if your life coincides with the one God expects of you. 

Love to everyone and safe wishes. 
My heart goes out to all those in mourning to what's happening around the world. 


Sunday, 1 November 2015

Dear Owls, journey to the center of the earth.

Dear Owls, 

What do you do when the only thing you can think about is how weak you are? What do you do when your feet tremble at the thought of thinking about thinking- just because your thoughts are that messed up. Feelings are always confusing. Mine are just annoying. A friend told me that it's only human to feel, but what she didn't understand was that I was simply tired of being human.

The idea that you've been putting on a smile for so long to only have it knocked right off your face is nerve wrecking; it's repulsive and a perfect definition of a waste of time. However, it's only human. It's the only way to know how strong you are as a person. If we didn't go through things that test our last breath, that make us feel like falling into a pool and never coming out, we wouldn't know how amazing each of us truly are.

Friendship is a powerful thing. There are two types of people, some who say you can choose your friends and others who say friends choose you, that you can't really pick and drop who you want your friends to be. For a very long time, I used to think I was the second type. I thought I could go through life and let the right people come to me, but now I'm not so sure. I still stand with the belief about myself that I can never get too close, I can try but there's always something in me that will be afraid of disappointments- mostly those I'm responsible for. But lately, the sight of friendship amuses me. It's just a beautiful thing to see friendship among people; a series of conversations about the past of each friend, people they've met or people they are yet to meet together, inside jokes and memories being shared. Seeing people laughing so hard, they need to cover their faces so deep into the ground, past the mantle down to the inner core, their face coming back up flustered red from the intensity of the heat.

Laughter is someone I've lost in touch with, an old friend Adele would probably sing about. I want to tell laughter that I've simply been on a journey of self recovery, and I'm coming back for it. Sometimes you need to leave certain things in your life and come back to them only when your strong enough to face the heat without getting burnt.

A returning traveler.
Baby Yoshi Blinking