Sunday, 1 November 2015

Dear Owls, journey to the center of the earth.

Dear Owls, 

What do you do when the only thing you can think about is how weak you are? What do you do when your feet tremble at the thought of thinking about thinking- just because your thoughts are that messed up. Feelings are always confusing. Mine are just annoying. A friend told me that it's only human to feel, but what she didn't understand was that I was simply tired of being human.

The idea that you've been putting on a smile for so long to only have it knocked right off your face is nerve wrecking; it's repulsive and a perfect definition of a waste of time. However, it's only human. It's the only way to know how strong you are as a person. If we didn't go through things that test our last breath, that make us feel like falling into a pool and never coming out, we wouldn't know how amazing each of us truly are.

Friendship is a powerful thing. There are two types of people, some who say you can choose your friends and others who say friends choose you, that you can't really pick and drop who you want your friends to be. For a very long time, I used to think I was the second type. I thought I could go through life and let the right people come to me, but now I'm not so sure. I still stand with the belief about myself that I can never get too close, I can try but there's always something in me that will be afraid of disappointments- mostly those I'm responsible for. But lately, the sight of friendship amuses me. It's just a beautiful thing to see friendship among people; a series of conversations about the past of each friend, people they've met or people they are yet to meet together, inside jokes and memories being shared. Seeing people laughing so hard, they need to cover their faces so deep into the ground, past the mantle down to the inner core, their face coming back up flustered red from the intensity of the heat.

Laughter is someone I've lost in touch with, an old friend Adele would probably sing about. I want to tell laughter that I've simply been on a journey of self recovery, and I'm coming back for it. Sometimes you need to leave certain things in your life and come back to them only when your strong enough to face the heat without getting burnt.

A returning traveler.

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